My main preaching point to guys is to NOT approach a woman with the mindset of SEEKING HER APPROVAL. When you do this, you in essence give away all your power to the woman, putting her in control of not only the initial encounter, but of all your other interactions in the future. Even if you end up dating her, or entering into a long term relationship, its very difficult to change this dynamic once it has been set in motion.
And the truth is, most women don't even want this power. Most women want a guy who is self-confident enough not to need her to validate his existence. Needy guys turn into clingy guys, and a needy, clingy guy is just not attractive to women, no matter how good-looking or rich he is. In contrast, a guy who may not be that great looking, or have much money, can be very attractive to a woman if he is confident and comfortable in his own skin.
We have all seen or known some extremely hot woman who is with a guy who doesn't necessarily match them in looks or career, but who the woman loves and leans on for support, because he matches, or even exceeds her in emotional fortitude.
To this effect, women, mostly unconsciously, test a potential suitor to determine if he is, as the song lyric goes, "Strong enough to be her man". Of course, the initial test happens the first time she lays eyes on you. Women are very perceptive, and can tell a lot just from how you carry yourself. If you walk up to her like your scared to death and would rather be anywhere else in the world, she may have already banished you to loser land before you even open your mouth.
If you then come in with some weak, approval-seeking compliment or some phony story or gimmicky one-liner you found on some would-be player's website, then you are pretty much DOA(dead on arrival) and will be dispatched in short order.
Just a couple days ago, two of my close friends had a disagreement about this very subject. The one friend agrees with me, while the other one said he believed complimenting a woman is a good way to start a conversation with her.
One of our female friends, who is of foreign descent, happened to be listening in. When my first friend asked her what she thought, she said that when a guy comes up to her and starts out with some compliment or kiss-up type of comment, the first thing she thinks is, "What does this guy want from me?"
What I teach guys to do when approaching a woman is to look for something you can use to tease her, or give her a hard time about. You want to do it in a fun and playful way that will not only get her laughing, but set you apart from every other guy she's approached by.
Women want a guy who will challenge them, not one who needs her approval or puts her up on a pedestal the moment he meets her.
When you approach a woman seeking her approval, you are saying," I'm not worthy of you, and don't deserve your respect. But please let me hang around you for awhile and pander to your will."
Do you really think this is what women want? And if you find one that does, is that really how you want her to see you?
David Curtis is a dating expert and relationship coach for men and women. For more dating and relationship advice and to download your copy of my FREE Ebook, "Inside the Mind of the Elite Player", visit http://www.alphadater.com
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